The Difference Between Love and Attachment

Love and attachment are connected to each other, but they do not mean the same thing. Sometimes even people do not realize if they love someone or are just very attached and dependent on them. It is really important to understand the difference and know in which kind of relationship are you in.

Love is pure and and positive and means caring for the other person and sharing your life with them. Of course there is some attachment in love as well and you want to be considered in your partner’s decisions. But attachment can be quite negative as well. This can get very unhealthy and obsessive.

Attachment means you emotionally and even physically need the other person in your life. You cannot function without them anymore. You believe you are meant to be together forever and this relationship and person become the only idea in your head.

On the other hand, love is softer and milder. It is not as aggressive. You want to be with the other person, but it is not like a drug to you. You can have your own life and think about your own things as well. Of course this does not mean that the person is not as important to you, it just means this is a healthy relationship, where both love each other in a lovely way. Love lasts longer than attachment.

Attachment can be quite obsessive and clingy. In addition to thinking about the other person all the time, you want them to be near you. You get mad when they make their own plans or even have to go to work. You become paranoid and do not trust anyone around them. You might think that the co-worker wants to have an affair with them, that their parents do not like you and are trying to get rid of you or that their friends are talking bad about you.

Love means that two independent people choose to be together. It means both can be on their own as well – have responsibilities, hobbies and activities to do and friend to spend time with. Love means trusting the person you are with. If they need to travel for work or just want to go out with their friends, you do not get upset nor jealous over it. Love means wanting the best for your other half and making life as easy and enjoyable for them as possible.

People, who are too attached are often scared. Scared that the relationship will fall apart and they will lose the person they need in their life. Attachment can often be blind as well, you do not see the other one’s flaws or behavior, you find excuses for everything and still believe that they are the god.

Love means giving your everything to make the relationship work, but when you see it does not, you still have the strength to walk away. Because even if you love another person, you should always love yourself more. With love you understand that no one is perfect and you either accept your partner’s mistakes or you don’t. Love also means communicating about things that bother you or make you unhappy, because most serious problems can be avoided in this way.

In conclusion, love is not easy, but it is real. Love means fighting, compromise and making up in the end. It means giving your time and energy to another person and receiving it back in the same way. Attachment is easy, because it is an illusion of love. It is not as deep nor as long-lasting as love is. Attachment can become dangerous and unhealthy. Love means seeing the situation realistically and letting go when there is no way of fixing it. Attachment is often blind and does not see a problem when there is actually many.

Love gives room and makes you happy. Attachment is poisonous and makes you scared, jealous and miserable. Think about the situation you are in and how does it makes you feel. And remember, always choose love.

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FOUR WAYS TO PREVENT AND DEAL WITH PANIC RESPONSES

1. LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE

Whether you’re in a leadership role or you’re an employee who is overwhelmed with work, taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture can help minimize a panic response. Whether the reason is a fear of failure or a decline in numbers, taking a moment to pause and consider the whole situation can help make your next course of action logical, rather than made in a panicked state.

2. EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY
If you are experiencing the physical symptoms of a panic attack – tight chest, dizziness, trouble breathing, racing heart – there are things you can do to alleviate the feeling. First, know that it will pass and that you’re not going to die. Even though it may feel life-threatening, panic attacks tend to last for only a few minutes before they’re over. Find a quiet place where you can focus on breathing and getting yourself to calm down.

3. BE A GOOD LEADER
If you are a leader and one of your employees is experiencing the beginnings of panic symptoms, or you suspect that they may be on the verge of a panic response, allow them to go somewhere to calm themselves down. Panic attacks can often be alleviated by simply removing the person from the situation that is causing the panic. Be understanding and sympathetic. Panic responses are involuntary.

4. FIND THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE ISSUE
When panic rears its ugly head, it can be tempting to just deal with the symptoms and move on. The best way to prevent panic is to find the cause and deal with it directly. This is true for both internal stress, as well as situations at work that can cause a company panic, such as dropping numbers or lost clients. Once you are able to identify the reason, it will be easier to rectify, which means your brain will no longer panic when an unforeseeable circumstance happens.
Panic in the workplace can be prevented, for both leaders and employees. Recognizing the signs and reasons to why panic happens in the first place is a major step in the right direction to minimizing the panic that all employees feel. Minimizing a panic response helps both the company and the employees, by helping the company run more logically and efficiently without rash decisions made in panic, as well as giving workers a more stress-free environment.

Five Reasons People Panic (And How to Avoid It)

Five Reasons People Panic (And How to Avoid It)

“There is no panic you can’t allay, no problem you can’t solve.”


Work can sometimes be stressful. This work stress, piled on top of any other daily stressors, can sometimes become overwhelming. Even when we think we have our whole lives under control, the stress can get too big for us to handle. That is when panic starts to set it. Panic is the brain’s fight-or-flight response to overwhelming stimuli.


It’s a primal part of the brain, and it’s used to help us know when something life-threatening is happening. Unfortunately, panic doesn’t discriminate between real and imagined danger. Work can be one of the worst places to experience a panic response. Oftentimes, when you’re in the office, there is an understanding that you’re to leave your outside life at the door. This can’t always happen, and is rarely the case for many people.


Panic can happen to both employees and leaders. It can be a physical response to stimuli, or it can be an emotional response to a problem that arises. Panic manifests itself in different ways, and it’s important to understand where it stems from so that it can be best combated. Why do people panic and what can be done to prevent it?


1. FEAR OF FAILURE

Nobody likes failure, especially in a work environment. Doing well at work means you get to keep your job. Doing poorly can mean losing it. Losing your job can mean losing your livelihood and your lifestyle. It’s an incredibly valid fear, and one that, once ignited, can cause workers to panic. Instead of focusing on all the ways something can fail or go wrong, focus on the positive outcomes. Be confident in your abilities. You didn’t get to your position by happenstance! Remind yourself of all the things you’re capable of.


2. OVERWHELMING WORK

Sometimes, work hands us more than we can handle. When you have three deadlines to meet and you’ve just been handed three more, the workload can be more than you can handle. This doesn’t reflect poorly on you. People work at different paces, and sometimes the people delegating the work don’t have a good enough grasp of how much things take to get done. When stress becomes overwhelming, it can cause a panic response. An easy way to alleviate the panic of overwhelming work is to communicate with your leadership team, and see if deadlines can be extended or work can be delegated.


3. OUTSIDE STRESS

Bringing your problems with you to the office can’t always be avoided. Oftentimes, when stress at home hits hard, it can be difficult to leave that at the door when you go to work. If there is an overwhelming amount of stress at home, it will carry over into the stressors at work, which can result in panic. Finding someone to talk to can help make sure your outside or internal stress isn’t brought into the workplace to make your job harder. A friend, family member, or therapist can help manage your personal and professional stress.



4. FINANCIAL DECLINE

Leadership can experience panic, too. Unexpected financial decline can cause an immediate panic mode. When leadership panics, it can manifest much differently than when someone is not in a leadership position. After all, there’s much more at stake for someone in a leadership role. When a company experiences financial decline, it can put more stress and expectation on leaders and managers. To prevent panic responses, finding the cause of the issue can make the next steps that should be taken crystal clear.



5. ASSOCIATING CERTAIN ACTIONS WITH BAD OUTCOMES


This can happen in our day-to-day lives, and it can also happen in our work environments as well. If a new process was implemented and it caused an unfavorable outcome, it can be easy to associate that process itself with the bad outcome, rather than the actions that lead to the bad outcome in the first place. Perhaps the process wasn’t properly implemented, or there weren’t enough steps taken to make it a success. Figure out what the issue was, and work to fix it rather than assume what the problem was.

Why People Attempt Suicide


Why People Attempt Suicide


People attempt suicide because they cannot bear their psychological pain and doubt it will ever get better, new research suggests.

Though that might sound intuitive, the new findings, published this month in the journal Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, contradict other hypotheses that suicide attempts are impulsive or a “cry for help.”
“Our findings really converged on two motivations that applied to everyone who was in our study: unbearable psychological pain and hopelessness that things would ever get better,” said study co-author E. David Klonsky, a psychologist at the University of British Columbia in Canada.
The findings could have implications for clinicians trying to identify which patients are most at risk for suicide, Klonsky said. Intense pain Past research has often focused on how
demographics or genetics may play a role in suicide risk, Klonsky said. For instance, some research has shown that children with autism have a higher suicide risk, and recent studies have found a sharp rise in suicide among baby boomers. Depression is also linked to suicide.

But such broad generalizations don’t provide useful guidance for clinicians to identify the patients who are most at risk.
To do so, researchers must first gain a better understanding of what makes people attempt suicide. Klonsky and psychology doctoral candidate Alexis May developed a questionnaire to understand suicide motivations, and then gave it to 120 people who had attempted suicide over the past three years in British Columbia.
Half of the people came from the general population and had a median age of 38 years, while the other half consisted of undergraduates with a median age of 21 years. Most had attempted suicide between one and three times, though at least one patient had made 15 attempts.
Overwhelmingly, people said they attempted suicide because of unbearable psychological distress they were hopeless would ever improve. Most had also been thinking about suicide for many years.
Contrary to the earlier theories, they did not show more impulsivity than the general population, and weren’t likely to say the attempt was a cry for help.
The findings suggest that measures such as putting nets under bridges can prevent suicide not because they thwart an impulsive attempt at suicide. Instead, such impediments prevent suicide for a few minutes, hours or days – just enough time for people’s mental states to incrementally improve until they can bear the pain a little longer and possibly get help, Klonsky said.
Fearlessness
Yet there may be more to distinguishing those who think about suicide and those who attempt it. Other research has shown that people suffering from depression who do not attempt suicide may be just as unhappy and hopeless, but more scared of the idea than those who make attempts.

“Everything about our biology is to avoid pain, avoid injury, avoid death,” Klonsky told LiveScience. “Even people who feel suicidal fortunately have a very hard time actually making an attempt.”
But people who attempt suicide are less fearful of pain and death. People who have a history of cutting themselves, for instance, may be less afraid of attempting suicide than those who do not. Other research has shown that becoming habituated to the idea, by simply thinking often about it or by, for instance, walking along a high bridge while considering suicide, may also make people more likely to carry out an attempt.
The new study also provides a tool to find those at risk because of psychological distress, hopelessness and a lack of fear of pain or death.
“We also think that a sense of connectedness to others – to family, to community, to friends, is an important protective factor that keeps people tied to life and wanting to live even if they have the hopelessness or the pain. 

Youth Violence Warning Signs

Youth Violence Warning Signs

There are common risk factors that can be youth violence warning signs. See a list of warning signs that a child may become violent, some risk factors that increase the chance a teenager may participate in violence, also warning signs your teen is a victim of violence.

Teens who commit acts of violence often display warning signs that their behavior is going to become violent. Parents, teachers, and other adults can look for these youth violence warning signs to know that a teen may need help before
he or she resorts to violence. Teens who are likely to act violently usually have trouble controlling their emotions. Some warning signs that a teen may become violent include:

  • Losing their temper
  • Threatening others
  • Vandalism or property damage
  • Using drugs or alcohol
  • Risky behavior, such as daredevil acts, sex at a young age, criminal activity
  • Making or talking about plans to hurt others or themselves
  • Intentionally hurting animals
  • Carrying weapons or being fascinated with weapons
  • A history of aggressive behavior or fighting
  • Belonging to a gang or wanting to belong to a gang
  • Problems with authority at school or legal problems
  • Not acknowledging other’s rights or feelings
  • Trying or wanting to control others
  • Withdrawal from others

Some risk factors and youth violence warning signs that increase the chance that a teen will become violent include:

  • Being the victim of a bully
  • Doing poorly in school or being uninterested in education
  • Exposure to violence or abuse
  • Feeling disrespected or ignored
  • Feeling alone

Not all teens who have these youth violence risk factors will become violent, and not all violent teens will have these risk factors. Because there is no single profile of a violent teen, these warning signs for teen violence can be a guide in determining if a teen needs help to prevent their involvement in teen violence, but people who know the teen should also be watchful for other behaviours that concern them.
Teens may also react with violence when exposed to violence either as a victim or as a witness. This can include exposure to violent events in the media, such as school shootings, teen suicides, or acts of terrorism. Some warning signs that a teen may be affected by violence include:

  • Loss of sleep
  • Loss of appetite
  • Anxiety
  • Frequently thinking about the event or having flashbacks

Seek help for teens who have been victims or witnesses of violence, especially if you notice any changes in the teen after the event. Teen violence can also be violence against self.
Some warning signs that a teen may be injuring him or herself, or contemplating suicide, include:

Hiding marks from teen cutting or other forms of self-injury. This may be done by wearing long sleeves or turtle necks even when it is warm, or coming up with excuses for injuries.

  • Suicide attempts
  • Talking or writing about death or suicide
  • Withdrawal, hopelessness, loss of interest in activities
  • Getting into trouble with authorities
  • Lack of control over emotions or behavior
  • Giving away prized possessions

Saying good-bye or talking about not being around

Always take signs of violence or suicide seriously and seek professional help for the teen displaying warning signs for teen violence.
School counsellors, medical professionals, and others trained in counseling can offer guidance and help you find a suitable professional to help a teen at risk for teen violence.
Teens who are at risk for violent behavior are also at risk for becoming victims of teen violence. Getting help for teens with these youth violence warning signs is essential for their own safety and the safety of others. Be especially alert after a teen has suffered a loss, such as a death or break-up, or after a tragic event in the community or world, especially suicides or other violent actions.

Why women talk less

Beautiful peace. Well written.

language: a feminist guide

This week on Newsnight, Evan Davis talked to three women about all-male panels—a subject made topical by the recent popularity of a tumblr set up to name and shame them. Why, he asked, are women so often un- or under-represented in public forums? Are they reluctant to put themselves forward? Are they deterred by the adversarial nature of the proceedings?

The women offered some alternative suggestions. Women don’t get asked, or if they do it’s assumed you only need one. Women aren’t seen as experts, unless the subject is a ‘women’s issue’. The age-old prejudice against women speaking in public means that any woman who dares to voice her opinions can expect to be deluged with abuse and threats.

But while all-male panels are obviously a problem, they’re only the tip of the iceberg. Just ensuring that women are represented on a panel does not guarantee their voices will…

View original post 2,171 more words

11 Actions You Can Take Today to Discover Your Life’s Purpose

11 Actions You Can Take Today to Discover Your Life’s Purpose

Take a breath, sit back, and imagine for a moment. You are in the last hour of your life. Your time has come. You have a flashback, it’s your life, from birth to death. The good times, the bad times… It’s all there.

What will you see?

Will you have regrets?

Will you feel fulfilled?

As your eyes close… What will be your final emotion? It’s scary to think about that day. But here’s the reality: It’s going to come. The question isn’t will it come. It’s how will you. feel when it does come?

The Question That Can Change Your Life
Can you discover your purpose? Let’s back up a little bit. What does that even mean? Your “purpose“? Let’s make it simple. Your purpose is what you love you doing, and is your opportunity to have the greatest positive impact on this world.

So when I ask the question: Can you discover your purpose? I’m really asking 2 questions:

1. Can you discover what you love doing?

2. Can you have a massive impact on this world by doing what you love? Is this possible?

If the answer is yes, and I believe it is, then you’re not only selling yourself but the entire world short if you do not discover your purpose. Are You Leaving it up To Chance? Are you being intentional with the choices you make on a daily basis?

If you have no idea what you want to do with your life will talking about how you have “no idea what you want to do with” your life provide the answer? I’m going to jump out on a limb here and say. “no”.

The problem that most people run into is that they spend so much time talking about their worries and concerns that they never take the necessary actions to solve it. Instead of spending days, weeks, months and even years stressing about discovering your all powerful magical purpose… how about you focus on taking action to figure it out?

Make Discovering Your Purpose Your Purpose. Discovering your purpose isn’t something that magically occurs. It requires that you take intentional action.

This isn’t rocket science. It’s just logical. If you want to figure out what you want to do with your life… Then you should spend time each day trying to figure out what you want to do with your life. If you don’t know your purpose, then make finding your purpose your purpose.

11 Actions You Can Take Today to Discover Your Life’s Purpose

This all sounds nice and dandy but let’s get practical. Below I share with you 11 actions you can take today that can help you discover your life’s purpose.

1. Write out Your Life’s Vision

Take out a pen and paper. Imagine that 5 years have passed. All of your dreams have come true. Where do you live? How do you feel? What are your hobbies? How much money do you make? How do you make money? What people are in your life? What people are no longer in your life? How do you spend your days? The more details the better. Then after you write the vision, answer this question:
What 1 action can you take today to start moving towards that vision? Then take that 1 action.

2. Start a New Hobby:

What is that one thing you have been claiming “I would love to do this if…” Want to learn a new language? Start a badminton club? collect stamps? learn how to sow? It doesn’t matter what it is. If you want to do it, it’s great. Go do it.

3. Volunteer In Your Community:

Choose to volunteer for something you find really interesting. High quality people like to volunteer. They are nice, giving, and enjoy meeting new people. So not only will you get to be around great people but you also might happen to discover your purpose along the way. Worst case scenario you spend a day making the world a better place. Best case scenario: you discover your purpose. Win-Win.

4. Answer The Million Dollar Question
Sit back, take a deep breath and answer the following question:
If you had a million dollars, what would you do with your life?
One of the major impediments to discovering your purpose is the money excuse. You buy into this lie that it’s impossible to make money doing what you love. So, you don’t even bother to search for your purpose.

The first step is to find your purpose, then later you can find a way to make money doing it.

5. Take Action Without Thinking
All too often you have a wonderful idea that’s going to change the world (or at minimum your world) and then the “voice of reason” comes in.

Sometimes it’s our own voice. Sometimes it’s from peers or family. The problem with the voice of reason is that it’s often lame, boring, lacks any sense of adventure and is… WRONG.

So, answer the following question based on your gut instinct:
What do you want to do with your life? Great! Now don’t make any excuses. Just take the first step. If you don’t know the first step then your first step is to identify the first step.

6. Use Fear to Guide Your Actions
Sit back, and grab a piece of paper and a pencil. Answer the following question:
What are you deathly afraid to do? I’m not talking about a little bit afraid… I’m talking about pee your pants scared. What is it? Fear is an indicator that something truly matters to you. Therefore you must identify that which you fear and then do it.
Commit to conquering this fear. Start with baby steps.
What action can you take today that would move you towards eventually destroying this fear?

7. Personify “Your Purpose”
Let’s make this personal… Literally. Imagine that your “purpose” was a human being. In fact, they are next to you right now.
What would this person be like? Would it be a man or a woman? What does it look like? how does it act? What types of activities does it do?
What kind of relationship do you have with your purpose? Is it a marriage? a friend? a business partner. Have fun with this one. You’ll be surprised how much it reveals.

8. Read Inspiring Books Everyday
The greatest impediment you face to discovering your purpose is your own self doubt. Therefore it is critical that you defend yourself against these woeful voices of doubt and insecurity.

The simple way to do this is to commit to read 30 to 60 minutes of inspiring books everyday. Imagine feeding your mind with some of the greatest and most inspiring thinkers in all of human civilization everyday.
Do you think that will impact your sense of possibility?
Heck yes it will.

As you read more, your sense of possibility will increase. As your sense of possibility increases you will start to be more comfortable exploring potential purposes because you will know that you can find a way to make it happen.

9. Plan Out “Purpose Exploration” Activities:

Look at your schedule this week. Write down 5 actions you will take to start discovering your purpose. Book it just like a doctors appointment. Write in the day and time that you will do it.

Don’t know what action to take? That’s easy. Just choose 5 from this post and add them to your calendar’.

10. Commit 60 Minutes to “Life Reflection”:

A while ago someone said that “experience is the greatest teacher”. That’s wrong, experience isn’t the greatest teacher. “Experience reflected on is the greatest teacher”. Set 60 minutes aside this week to think about your life. Grab a pen and paper and just write.

Ask yourself the big questions:

What makes you happy?

What do you want to do with your life?

What impact do you want to have on this world?

Write. Write. And write some more. You will be amazed at the insights that come out of this.

11. Imagine The Impossible Then Take The First Step:

For just one moment, imagine that you could do anything in the world you want to do. So, if that were possible, what would you do? If you were going to do that one thing, what is the first step that you would need to take to make it happen? Now, take that first step. Above All Else Take Action

Above all else you must take action if you are going to discover your purpose. Take a breath… A big deep breath. Then answer the following question:
What 1 action am I going to take today after reading this post?

Then immediately take it.

Zombil Muteb Nawezi

Curiosity is the lust of the mind.

Zombil Muteb Nawezi

Some of My “GREAT” Motivational Quotes

Some of my “Great” Motivational Quotes

This set of inspirational thoughts for the new year will galvanize you into action.

At the start of every year, I create a list of quotes to guide and inspire me for the next 12 months. Here are the quotes I’ve selected for 2013:

  1. “Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements.”
  2. The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear.”
  3. “Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”
  4. “Obstacles are necessary for success because in selling, as in all careers of importance, victory comes only after many struggles and countless defeats.”
  5. ” A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.”
  6. ” If you can’t control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls waiting to be attacked.”
  7. “mediocre person tells. A good person explains. A superior person demonstrates. A great person inspires others to see for themselves.”
  8. “Freedom, privileges, options, must constantly be exercised, even at the risk of inconvenience.”
  9. “Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.”
  10. “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.”
  11. “The number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I can fail and keep on trying.”
  12. “You have everything you need to build something far bigger than yourself.”

 

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